Recently, as I was scrolling through Instagram I came across a post from one of the many organizations I follow that specializes in the support and education of people who are struggling with sexual purity in their lives. The main headline of the post was a question, which I found to be both profound and deeply thought-provoking:

“What were you thinking about right before you looked at porn?”

Perhaps that seems like a no-brainer. What does a person who looks at porn think about before looking at porn? Probably porn, right? Well, yes and no. The answer to that is actually much more complex than you might think.

Believe it or not, most people (both men and women) aren’t drawn to pornography or sexually explicit behavior solely because they want to see naked people having sex. Obviously, on a physical level alone, the brain and the body responds to these kinds of graphic images, but what actually happens BEFORE in a person’s thinking, in their feelings that draws them to act out in this particular way?

In other posts that I’ve written on SGO, I’ve talked quite a bit about what triggers are. As a quick review, triggers are the “pulls” and feelings a person has before some kind of slip or relapse. It’s worth noting that triggers aren’t necessarily bad in and of themselves. I like to compare triggers to the dashboards found in our vehicles. On our dashboards we can quickly check the speed we’re going, the amount of fuel we have in the tank, and whether the cruise control is turned on or not.

But what happens when you’re driving and your car detects a problem such as low air pressure, low oil, or maybe an electrical problem? An indicator on your dashboard appears communicating to you specifically where the problem is. You could consider this to be a kind of trigger hard-wired in your vehicle’s operating system to alert you when there is a problem.

Such are the triggers we often face before looking at porn. When we learn to understand what we are thinking and what we are feeling BEFORE we act out sexually or in other unhealthy ways, we will begin to learn healthier ways of processing negative or painful emotions. Thus allowing us to make healthier decisions in our lives that don’t lead us down unhealthy paths.

So what are the most common kinds of triggers? Before we get too specific, we have to remember that triggers are unique to the individual. Never are there only one set of triggers for everyone. We’re all different. The wiring in our brains is different. And, yes, you guessed it, we all respond differently to a variety of scenarios and environments. One person may be more affected by memories. Another an image. For some it might even be a smell that might triggers a specific response.

Once we understand that triggers are specific to the individual, then we can talk about other general forms of triggers that most people deal with. In my meetings with men, we often talk about the acronym B.L.A.S.T. This acronym helps capture what I believe to be the most common forms of triggers:

Bored

Lonely

Angry

Stressed

Tired

Think about it…Are you especially sensitive to any of these triggers? Do you find yourself in any of these places before acting out sexually? Oftentimes we are in an emotionally compromised position and we don’t even realize it! Or, at the very least, we haven’t learned to recognize it.

If we’re not careful, emotions and feelings like the ones listed above can snowball when we’re not in healthy community with others. Boredom can escalate into isolation. Loneliness or sadness can manifest into depression. Fatigue can quickly turn into exhaustion. Do you see the progression?

You and I were meant to live in community. Not sometimes. Not on special occasions. But all the time in some form or capacity. Community is meant to be one of the pillars that holds our life together.

Zoom and other online video services have made it incredibly easy to share community with others online from the privacy of your own home. I’m so thankful for Small Groups Online, which offers weekly online Zoom meetings for men, women, spouses, pastors, and many others to meet together to find freedom & healing. If you haven’t checked out SGO, go to the website to get a walkthrough of what you can expect from this incredibly helpful resource.

In summary, when you find yourself being triggered and feeling the pull to look at porn, take a conscious step back and ask yourself what your heart is really needing in that moment. What is it that you’re really feeling? What’s going on in your thinking that needs to change? What pain are you trying to medicate?

When you’re able to identify what those things are, you’ll be on the right track to discover the freedom and healing you’ve always needed.